RIP: Facts (360 B.C.-A.D. 2012)

This is the single cleverest thing I expect you will read all weekend:

Facts, 360 B.C.-A.D. 2012
In memoriam: After years of health problems, Facts has finally died.

A quick review of the long and illustrious career of Facts reveals some of the world’s most cherished absolutes: Gravity makes things fall down; 2 + 2 = 4; the sky is blue.

But for many, Facts’ most memorable moments came in simple day-to-day realities, from a child’s certainty of its mother’s love to the comforting knowledge that a favorite television show would start promptly at 8 p.m.

Over the centuries, Facts became such a prevalent part of most people’s lives that Irish philosopher Edmund Burke once said: “Facts are to the mind what food is to the body.”

To the shock of most sentient beings, Facts died Wednesday, April 18, after a long battle for relevancy with the 24-hour news cycle, blogs and the Internet . . .

Facts is survived by two brothers, Rumor and Innuendo, and a sister, Emphatic Assertion.

Services are alleged to be private. In lieu of flowers, the family requests that mourners make a donation to their favorite super PAC.

The full piece is very worthy of your attention . . .

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Source:
Facts, 360 B.C.-A.D. 2012
Rex W. Huppke
Chicago Tribune, April 19, 2012
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/ct-talk-huppke-obit-facts-20120419,0,809470.story

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