Kriptik Shorty

I’ve been none too kindly to Easy Al this week. Between his Humphrey Hawkins testimony, Al’s confusing cause and effect of Productivity and Employment, and all the silliness with “happy talk,” the Fed Chair came in for a ton of abuse this week (and deservedly so).

OK. It’s a 3 day weekend, and hey, even the blower of many serial bubbles deserves a break. So in th spirit of cutting Sir Alan a bit of slack, I present (via Retrogrouch), an excerpt of the engrossing tale of Kriptik Shorty:

It is widely known that Federal reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan had a career as a musician. Although he got his start playing jazz saxophone, his first love has always been hip-hop. Greenspan occasionally plays clubs in the Bronx under the name Kriptik Shorty.

Transcript of Alan “Kriptik Shorty” Greenspan’s Testimony Before the Committee on Banking, Housing, and Urban Affairs, U.S. Senate, on February 12, 2004:

Peep this, last year the shit was wack cuz peeps was trippin bout the war and unemployment. So da Prez spent scrilla like a basehead in a crackhouse and I loaned out the Benjis at a lower rate than you’d get from Uncle Vito’s, which got the economy flowin again. Despite that, mickey fickeys were getting laid off and ish, and the nuckas that kept their J.O.B.s got less loot for it. Next year, mickey fickeys will get paid less loot for more work, and da Prez is gonna keep spending a lot of dough – and dat means da muthafuckin man is gonna get paid, yo!

Last year, I told ya’ll jungers the same damn thing: that bidness would be off da hook because mickey fickeys would be paid less loot and da Prez was going to spend a lot of bling. I was right that nuckas were paid less and da Prez spent his bling, but I crapped out about the bidness being aight. So in July, I decided to raise up the scrilla supply and cut my loan rates.

Sho nuff, that helped da man make a hella lot of bling – and they still didnt have to pay dey workers jack! Da man was making so much scrilla that the stock market went off the heezy!

Just hysterical! You gots to eyeball out the entire pizziece at Barefoot And Naked – its the Shizznit!

Barefoot And Naked:
Kriptik Shorty Raps to Congress


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