Top Ten Signs You Have A Bad Stockbroker

Top Ten Signs You Have A Bad Stockbroker (via David Letterman)

10. When stocks go up, his pants go down 

9. He’s unavailable whenever "General Hospital" is on 

8. Invested your entire portfolio in JetBlue 

7. Instead of Wall Street, he works at Wal-Mart 

6. He shaves his head and goes into rehab 

5. Hot stock tips, no — nude photos of Alan Greenspan, yes 

4. Keeps using the word Ga-zillion 

3. No number 3 — writer depressed after losing everything in stock market 

2. A few years back told Martha, "Sure it’s legal"

1. Claims he once had a three-way with Morgan Stanley and Merrill Lynch

Thanks, Doug!

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  1. Katherine commented on Mar 2

    My stockbroker is a woman. It’s time for gender neutrality!

  2. ECONMISTA NON GRATA commented on Mar 2

    11. All his “STRONG BUY” recomendations get downgraded to “GOODBYE”… See Ya…!

    Best Regards,


  3. luckydog commented on Mar 2

    Barry, in re of your CNBC gig today – very disappointed. Why didnt you just come out and say what you felt. Its going to be a bloodbath. That the cosumers house is going down with his 401k and has no money.

    I know you wanted to say – Ive been effing telling you stupid MFs all about this for months now.

    Unfortunately the bears have been right all along except the severity. Its going to be much worse.

  4. Fred commented on Mar 2

    Lol…thanks Barry. We all know that the cover stories on the NYT, BW, TIME, etc are great contrarian “callers”. Comics are even better. Jay Leno was talking about the market “crash” Teusday night. This doppleganger of comedians makes me smile, and get longer into the panic.

  5. Barry Ritholtz commented on Mar 2

    Last minute segment — didnt even get a chance to post on it —

    I have to think that by this time, my negative views are pretty well known — besides, are the phrases DEEPLY OVERSOLD and WE AINT SEEN NUTHING YET at all mincing words?

    lastly, I never want to be seen as piling on or arrogant (like some Bulls) — that tends to generate a karmic market comeuppance!

  6. LJ commented on Mar 2


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