Federal Reserve Chairman George Costanza

Barron’s Alan Abelson’s Christmas wish list has a few gifts for the outgoing and incoming Federal Reserve Chairmen:

"To Alan Greenspan: a secluded mountaintop on which to reflect and repent.

To his successor, Ben Bernanke, an infallible formula for setting the country on the right financial path: whenever faced with making a critical decision, think, What would Alan Greenspan have done? — and do exactly the opposite."

1) Ask WWGD?
2) Then go the other way?

I have to agree — its brilliant in its simplicity. If most everything Greenspan has done has worked out disastrously, then Bernanke should do the opposite!

Wait a second — that sounds vaguely familiar . . .

Waitress : Tuna on toast, coleslaw, cup of coffee.
George : Yeah. No, no, no, wait a minute, I always have tuna on toast. Nothing’s ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite of on toast. Chicken salad, on rye, untoasted … and a cup of tea.
Elaine : Well, there’s no telling what can happen from this.
Jerry : You know chicken salad is not the opposite of tuna, salmon is the opposite of tuna, ‘cos salmon swim against the current, and the tuna swim with it.
George : Good for the tuna.
( A blonde looks at George )
: Ah, George, you know, that woman just looked at you.
George : So what? What am I supposed to do?
Elaine : Go talk to her.
George : Elaine, bald men, with no jobs, and no money, who live with their parents, don’t approach strange women.
Jerry : Well here’s your chance to try the opposite. Instead of tuna salad and being intimidated by women, chicken salad and going right up to them.
George : Yeah, I should do the opposite, I should.
Jerry : If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.
George : Yes, I will do the opposite. I used to sit here and do nothing, and regret it for the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite, and I will do something!
( He goes over to the woman )
George : Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice that you were looking in my direction.
Victoria : Oh, yes I was, you just ordered the same exact lunch as me.
( G takes a deep breath )
George : My name is George. I’m unemployed and I live with my parents.
Victoria : I’m Victoria. Hi.


Something for Everyone
Barron’s MONDAY, DECEMBER 26, 2005

The Opposite (episode #86)
Writers: Andy Cowan, Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld
Originally aired: Thursday May 19, 1994 on NBC

The Opposite

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  1. Mr. Dude commented on Dec 25

    Barry: Thanks for your valuable, interesting and prolific blogging this year. Happy Festivus to you.

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