The PermaBear to English Translation Guide

These days, the spectrum of market commentary is broad, ranging from permabulls to recessionistas to gold bugs to dollar bears.

More recently, a special group of folks have been out in full force — the PermaBears — and their jargon can be a bit . . . confusing . . . to the uninitiated.

For those you who have been having difficulty understanding their idiosyncratic language, The Big Picture, in conjunction with Google Translate, offers you this handy service.


The PermaBear to English Translation Guide

Apple: A fictitious company that does not exist.

BLS: A secret society of mathematicians and statistical wonks conspiring to falsify economic data, formerly known as the the sect of Opus Dei; See also Birth Death Adjustment.

Bernanke, Ben: Beelzebub

Bonds: An asset class that will eventually be worthless paper as its value is inflated away, but in the meantime, are a good alternative to equities.

Bubble: A catchall phrase used to describe any market not in freefall.

China: The centrally planned communist economy that is the model for Free Market Economies in the West. alt. An idealized form of Capitalism;

Death Cross: The most reliable and certain technical formation known to man. See also Golden Cross: An old wives’ tale, not to paid attention to or taken seriously at all.

Depression: The current state of economic affairs; See also Pornography.

European Union (EU): A soon to be dissolved association of Socialist states, whose sole purpose is to mislead investors into believing the United States is (comparatively) fiscally responsible. See also EuroFASB: A criminal legal enterprise of accountants whose members help banks hide massive losses;

Fiat Currency: The root of all evil

FOMC: Fertilizer for the root of all evil

Gold: A shiny yellow metal used primarily as an excuse for missing a generational rally in equities.

Google: See Apple

Greece: A nation of tax cheats that will lead to the dissolution of the EU;

Greenspan, Alan: Lucifer

Housing Bottom: A theoretical but mathematically impossible construct.

Hindenburg Omen: A common pick up line at permabear cocktail parties, good for for attracting sexual partners but of little use for anything else.
Vernacular: “Did you see another Hindenburg Omen signal was given today?

Hyper-Inflation: The eventual fate of all humanity due to the existence of central banks.

Inflation: The precursor condition to Hyper-Inflation.

Japan: A large manufacturing island in the Pacific, whose decades-long recession is the inevitable model for the United States

Money Supply: , an imaginary number.

New Normal: A combination of contracting credit availability, stubborn unemployment and US consumer de-leveraging; See also 1930s, 1950s, 1970s (aka Old Normal).

Overbought: The normal state of equity markets;

Oversold: A theoretical market condition last seen in 1982.

P&L: We don’t talk about that.

POMO: An acronym used by rookie traders in failed attempts to explain the “mysterious” impact of massive liquidity on equities.

QE 2: A code word or shorthand for the event that has been prophesied to bring about the End of the World. Interchangeable with “Apocalypse” as Perma-bears regard both its coming and its destructive power as a quasi-religious inevitability. See also POMO

Recession: See Depression

Risk On: Any Bull market

Rosenberg, David: A minor deity amongst the Perma-bear faithful. The very mention of his name causes a reverential hush to fall over the gathered masses as they hungrily devour his latest proclamations of death and dismemberment. See also Roubini, Faber, Rogers, Cassandra, et. al.

Stress Test: Hoax or Conspiracy

Subprime: The state of all credit in the US

Tony Robbins: The newest economic sage to warn of the coming economic apocalypse, most recently during August 2010; See also Paul Tudor Jones.

Unemployment: An irreversible condition, symptomatic of declining empires. Hence the reason no one in Great Britain ever found a job again after the 1830’s.

Uptrend: Not found.


Well, there you have it — unless the trading Gods have terrific senses of humor, the top is now in.


Previously: The Modern Kudlow To Standard English Translation Guide

Coming Soon: The Gold Bug to English Translation Guide

David Rosenberg: A minor deity amongst the Perma-bear faithful. The very mention of his name causes a reverential hush to fall over the gathered masses as they hungrily devour his latest proclamations of death and dismemberment.

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