My New Approach to Spam (Also, Constant Contact Sucks)

Safe Unsubscribe? Hardly.

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David Pogue, you done steered me wrong.

Just as it seems the eastern block / Russian Mafia spammers have been brought under control, a new class of spammers have taken over.

These are credible appearing organizations who simply have no control over their own email. Congressman, some retail stores, GE Capital, IMF, Hayek groups, etc. have involuntarily placed me on their repeating email lists. Most of the stuff they send is wildly off topic, the rest trivial, worthless announcements. What’s that, you have a new Assistant Vice President of the No One Cares division? Can one of you fucktards explain to me why that is worthy of a press release?

These corporate cornholes work with shops like Constant Contact, who I have come to recognize as the new spammers. Its very simple: Opt out is spam. Unsolicited commercial messages sent by the 1000s  are spam. And my experience with “Safe Unsubscribe” was the exact opposite of what David found –it was anything but. Based upon my specific experience, not only do many of these groups not honor unsubscribe requests, but since using Safe Unsubscribe, it seems that my spam has doubled — mostly from emailers who have a Safe Unsubscribe button. (Hence, I suspect it is being used to confirm email addresses).

Opt out is not safe, its spam, plain and simple, and you shit farms are the new spammers. I propose some graduate student do an improved, rigorous version of the Pogue test: Take a legitimate email and make it public. Run Safe Unsubscribe repeatedly, and see what happens to your inbox. (There is your graduate thesis in Computer Sciences).

Regardless of this foolishness, I am declaring a Jihad on all you IR/PR/Spammers who are burying me in bullshit.

My new approach to spam is as follows:

Anyone who decides to put me on an Opt Out list without my permission is dead to me. And, I have automated the following steps:

-Mark the spammers email address and any domain as spam system wide, including ISP level;
-Report them to every registry of spammers known;
-Report the spammer to the appropriate authority [including FTC, SEC and FBI];
-[horrifically evil and possibly illegal actions deleted under advice of counsel]
-The Words CONSTANT CONTACT and SAFE UNSUBSCRIBE are now blocked at the highest possible level of email.
-Of the 370,000 businesses that use Constant Contact, I will do business with exactly zero of them

I suspect some of the companies I am affiliated with work with these firms. If I have the authority to terminate the relationship outright, I will. If I am merely in a position of influence, I will use that influence towards the same end.

I have decided to take these actions because these groups have wasted enough of my time. I suggest you do the same.

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See also:
Constant Contact used by spammers, blacklisted by many (WhiteSites)

SpamCop and Constant Contact (SpamCop)

Constant Contact out of touch (INC)

Rethinking the ‘Never Unsubscribe’ Rule for Spam (NYT)