This is a personal web site, reflecting the opinions of its author. It is not a production of my employer, and it is unaffiliated with any NASD broker/dealer.

Statements on this site do not represent the views or policies of anyone other than myself. The information on this site is provided for discussion purposes only, and are not investing recommendations.

Besides, what makes you think I have the slightest idea I know what I am talking about? If you do make investments based upon something you read on the internet, well then, you are probably not too bright. How did you ever manage to make that money in the first place?

At the time of publication, I may have had positions in any or all of the companies whose stocks I mentioned, although I might not either. Holdings can and do change at a moment’s notice — sometimes, in a nano-second. When the market changes, so do I. (What do you do?)

Under no circumstances does the information in this column represent a recommendation to buy or sell stocks. Or bonds. Or currencies — especially drachmas — commodities, REITs, fixed income instruments, distressed assets, mutual funds, ETFs, baseball cards, comic books, and most especially, nothing here shall ever be construed as a recommendation to sell a Ferrari 275 GTB. Ever. Keep it til you die, let your dumb kids auction it off. I am goddamned serious about this, and if I ever hear you did sell one, I will personally hunt you down and give you a stern dressing down about your decision-making process.

There is always a risk of loss in the markets (Duh). Find a good advisor — one who preferably has good references and is not a greedy putz — and try not to ignore their best advice. Educate yourself. Read a book or 5 about investing, for crying out loud. The secrets of the entire universe have already been published, if you would just shut the damn television for a while.

Take some responsibility for your own actions. And for God’s sake, if you lose money, don’t sue me. No really, I’m serious. Don’t even think about it.

Lastly, what the hell are you doing in the bathroom day and night? Why don’t you get out of there and give someone else a chance?

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