How To Speak Hedgie

August 15, 2007 11:30am by

Amusing linguistic observations from
Slate’s Dan Gross:

Hedge-Fund Phrase: Challenging
Translation: Run for the hills!

Hedge-Fund Phrase: Unprecedented, unique circumstances
Translation: Stuff happens. But we had no clue.

Hedge-Fund Phrase: Market volatility has produced
unfair, unrealistic prices.
Translation: The market is efficient only when it works in
our favor.

Hedge-Fund Phrase: Our results were affected by the
selling behavior of other firms.
Translation: We made the same dumb trades as everyone
else.

Hedge-Fund Phrase: We just want to protect investors.
Translation: We just want to cover our butts.

Hedge-Fund Phrase: This isn’t a rescue.
Translation: THIS IS TOTALLY A RESCUE!!!!!!!

Great stuff!  The full article is here:

>

Source:
How To Speak Hedgie
What hedge-fund managers mean when they talk about challenges.
Daniel Gross
Posted Tuesday, Aug. 14, 2007, at 4:16 PM ET
http://www.slate.com/id/2172224/

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What's been said:

Discussions found on the web:
  1. Bob A commented on Aug 15

    Repricing Risk = You are Screwed

  2. UrbanDigs commented on Aug 15

    Hedge Fund Phrase = We are booking assets to market value

    Translation = We can’t meet our margin call requirements

  3. scorpio commented on Aug 15

    i laughed at the Thornburg guy on CNBC this morning. sure his collateral has been bullet-proof up til now, but he’s levered 20X. no collateral is that good, and his collateral is about to get much worse. i see Ralphie-boy Lauren down a couple points this morning. it was a great 25-yr run.

  4. UrbanDigs commented on Aug 15

    Hedge Fund Phrase = Liquidity in MBS markets dried up and market is not functioning properly

    Translation = dammit wont someone please buy these securities?

  5. Marcus Aurelius commented on Aug 15

    We’re on our way back to 14,000 = I can bend this spoon with my mind.

  6. Telemill commented on Aug 15

    Damn you guys are hilarious. Ever think about writing for Saturday Night Live? Especially Marcus Aurelius . . . that comment will quickly become a classic. Love this stuff, you guys made my day.

  7. me commented on Aug 15

    Is anybody tired of hearing how damn smart quants are yet?

  8. walons commented on Aug 15

    A narrative probably coming soon:

    We are seeking a strategic investor = We are desperate for someone to bail us out.

    Returning money to investors = What money?

    Closing shop = Wait a year until new suckers materialize and open up a new fund.

  9. Winston Munn commented on Aug 15

    Improper pricing has created an illiquid market for some assets.

    Translation: We still are holding our improperly priced Confedrate bonds, too.
    The South will rise again.

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