“Take A Report” fired from Citi

Take A Report (you’re done), the outrageous, raunchy, and at times, hysterically funny anonymous blog from an unknown Trader has been outed — and fired.

Large — thats the pen name of the trader/blogger who writes Take A Report — worked at Citibank, and was shitcanned for "blogging during company hours." Or at least, that’s the excuse they gave.  (WHOOO-HOOO! Thirty day weekend!)

I discovered his uproarious blog via a random click while looking for a review of the Billy Joel concert at Shea stadium — it was laugh out loud funny. It turns out that one of my traders is a longtime reader, and obviously relates to the perspective of someone at a trading desk dealing with the markets — and life’s — pressures.

The blog is pretty raunchy, and often features "AFTP" (Ass From The Past) and "G.I.F.T.s" (Girl-I-Found-Today).  I can understand why Citigroup wouldn’t want to be officially associated with this. I don’t understand why what someone does on weekends and in their off hours would make a difference.

Then again, I don’t work at one of the giant grist mills — and would never fit in well anyway.

~~~

Here’s a boffo idea: Citigroup should swap out their Risk management team (who missed billions of dollars in bad buys of garbage paper) with their Compliance team — who somehow spotted an obscure blog that never even mentioned Citi’s name.

Someone should inform Citigroup Chief Executive Officer Vikram Pandit that the more important division is asleep at the switch, while the lesser division (AKA Department of Business Prevention) is sharp as a tack.


Take A Report . . . you’re done.

>

Update: August 8, 2008 10:24am

Here is the Bloomberg piece on Large that led me to post — they had the story before me:

Citigroup Cashiers Mr. `Large’ Before ’08 Equities in Dallas
Josh Fineman
Bloomberg, Aug. 8 2008
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=newsarchive&sid=avlO1BkN386U

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What's been said:

Discussions found on the web:
  1. Mike J commented on Aug 7

    Damn! Blocked by SmartFilter! How appropriate . . .

  2. Matt M. commented on Aug 7

    It’s been the funniest blog going. Gotta read the one about his nap in the bathroom after a tough nite out….hilarious.

  3. rower commented on Aug 7

    just hilarious, you made my day, again, barry!

  4. Jen commented on Aug 7

    Ha! The risk/compliance switch is the funniest thing I’ve heard in a while

  5. BRAZEL commented on Aug 7

    Laughed out loud

    Something so right/wrong about this. Fantastic that the bank is burning billions while the dept of political correctness is over achieving so spectacularly. Only in America………

  6. Strasser commented on Aug 7

    “C”

    According to Bloomberg, seems ole Citi has “…to buy back or help clients unload as much as $19.5 billion in auction-rate securities and pay a $100 million fine to settle U.S. regulatory claims it improperly saddled customers with untradeable bonds. Citigroup will buy back about $7.5 billion in securities from individual customers, charities and small businesses under a settlement with NY Attorney General Andrew Cuomo…”

    and now MER seems to be doing a little fessing up as well??
    “Aug. 7 (Bloomberg) — Merrill Lynch & Co. said it will offer to buy back about $10 billion in auction-rate securities from retail clients after Citigroup Inc. agreed to take similar steps under a settlement with U.S. regulators…”

  7. CNBC Sucks commented on Aug 7

    The Brigitte Bardot transformation was hilariously scary. You know how much energy and time it takes to maintain a blog and that dude put together a LOT of content from all over the place. I feel almost like a gay sensitive man in comparison to the misogyny of that blog.

  8. Walker commented on Aug 7

    The commenters on some of his posts are serious racists. Growing up in the South, I do not use that term lightly.

  9. SINGER commented on Aug 7

    Take A Report…

  10. nyck commented on Aug 7

    The funniest blogs I have ever come across. Been sitting here for a half hour LMAO.
    Thanks BR.

  11. lala commented on Aug 8

    Thanks BR
    TAR is fantastic. I have been laughing for over an hour. This guy is the reason i love the trading desk (and i am a chick).
    It just proves what idiots run Citi.

  12. Lance Spore commented on Aug 8

    “Too much time spent riding Tommy’s hydrant is going to leave you with a vagina that will eventually need a drawstring.”

    TAR is pure enchantment!

  13. Mark E Hoffer commented on Aug 8

    I’ll concur with: “Something so right/wrong about this. Fantastic that the bank is burning billions while the dept of political correctness is over achieving so spectacularly. Only in America………”

    Posted by: BRAZEL | Aug 7, 2008 6:19:07 PM

    The upside is that, now, TAR could propagate that much-needed ethos, throughout all those SBUX locations in need of repurposing, and create Lloyd’s2.0..

  14. Phil McCracken commented on Aug 8

    Favorite TAR line ever was describing Britney Spears:

    “She’s like KFC Chicken. Once you get past the thighs and the breasts, all your left with is a greasy box.”

    Poetry, that guy…

  15. Schizohedron commented on Aug 8

    I believe the term for this blogger’s fate is that he was dooced.

    Based on the excerpts and our host’s endorsement, looks like I’ve got my dinnertime reading queued up. Thanks!

  16. Size Buyer commented on Aug 8

    One of the best ‘raw satire’ sites on the web. Staring at four commercial Citi accounts right now that are about to be closed – what a bunch of tools.

    Give ’em hell, Large!

  17. MK commented on Aug 8

    “”” Citigroup should swap out their Risk management team (who missed billions of dollars in bad buys of garbage paper) with their Compliance team — who somehow spotted an obscure blog that never even mentioned Citi’s name. “””

    OUTSTANDING!!!

    TAFR, CITIBANK! Been laughing with the boys from TAR since they mocked my Alma Mater’s football team last year.

  18. Irene Cassiny commented on Aug 8

    That guy comes from American Psycho…

    not funny at ALL

  19. Mark commented on Aug 9

    “Uproarious”?!

    The blog is not REMOTELY funny. It’s insulting and degrading.

    Grow up.

  20. Mitch Hedberg commented on Aug 10

    It takes all kinds — sure its sophomoric and crude — but its also seems to resonate with other traders.

    The comments are running 10 to 1 in terms of funny.

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