After Friday’s Bureau of Labor Statistics report was released, the usual presser was held. What follows is a memo found on the floor near the podium. (A few minor factual corrections are noted in the footnotes):
Hey Seanny, make sure you tell those jackals in the press exactly what follows:
The jobs data from the first full month of my presidency is in – and as promised, I am already making America great again!
They have doubted what we have said for so long, accused us of lying and making things up about jobs and ignoring facts.[i] Here is proof that we deliver on our promises. Let’s make sure they understand exactly what we accomplished:
• My predecessor Obama destroyed American jobs in never been seen before numbers.[iv] Now, we are creating jobs again.
• We slashed unemployment by 88% in six weeks! When we began our campaign in New Hampshire primary in early 2016, I heard people saying – and these were the best people, smart people – that unemployment was 42%. Its now 4.7%![vi]
• Ever since my predecessor took office, people have been leaving the labor force in droves![vii] Unemployment was bigly.[viii] Huge numbers of workers, thanks to our work, are now making more than ever. [ix]
• We did this by restoring confidence to America. Small businesses owners are optimistic about business prospects, and are creating jobs as never before. (Remind those losers that small business owners are one of my core constituencies). I hear even the failing New York Times is going to write about this.[x]
• Using the power of the Presidency, I encouraged CEOs to keep jobs in America. They stopped outsourcing, canceled scheduled manufacturing plants closings, and are reinvesting here and not abroad. This was before I was even sworn into office! [xi] People don’t realize that a few 1000 here and a few 100 there all add up. Add up all of the deals I did last year – Carrier and Ford and Harley Davidson and GE and all the rest, and that’s how you get 235k.[xii]
• Our administration cleaned up those D.C. Bureaucrats: Before we came into the White House, those phony numbers were one of the biggest hoaxes in American politics. Only once in 8 years did they release honest numbers, for May 2016. Now, we have great numbers – the best numbers, according to what I hear people say.
You tell those bozos that I specifically told you that these numbers are no longer phony. Let them know that this is only the beginning – and we are going to create so many jobs that even members of the press can find satisfying well paying work in real jobs doing real things for companies that are not failing.
[ii] During the Obama Administration, monthly jobs creation exceeded 235,000 on 30 separate occasions.
[iii] Over the past 18 months, job growth has been averaging over 200,000 while GDP was below 2 percent.
[iv] From October 2010 to January 2017, over 14 million jobs were created.
[vi] The Unemployment Rate has been at or below 5 percent since August of 2015.
[viii] Over the last 24 months of Obama’s second term, the Unemployment Rate has averaged 5.0 percent.
[xi] Corporate plans created prior to Trump winning the Presidency, some dating as far back as 2013, are responsible for most of those jobs.
[xii] The deals announced since the November election add up to less than 2000 jobs.