Jeff Bezos/Lauren Sanchez

The rich are just like the rest of us.

Only with a lot more money.

Oh, maybe that’s not true. Maybe they believe they’re entitled to what they want, that the rules of both law and morality don’t apply to them.

First and foremost Bezos lied about when his affair with Sanchez began.

Is he living in a vacuum? Does he not know that in today’s world, the truth always outs? People can choose to believe it or not, but the only thing private is what you say to yourself, alone, in the dark.

And sending his junk in a photo, what is he sixteen? Celebrities bitch about Apple leaking their erotic photos, when the truth is it was their weak passwords at fault, and the world’s richest man decides to send a photo of his personal parts anyway? What, did he think he was immune?

And you know what they say about getting involved with someone who left a marriage for you, they’ll leave you too.

Oh, of course there are exceptions, but the axiom is proven true in most cases, especially for those who don’t have the balls to be single. Play the field, see what it feels like to be alone in this world. As opposed to jumping from relationship to relationship, as if they’re stones that will take you to the other end of the river, that you will never slip and fall and get wet.

And this guy is lionized in the press, he’s a cultural institution. Maybe a bit weird, but hewing the line. Then he blows up his whole life over a woman? Proving, like my first sentence, we are all the same, and sex rules the world.

Kinda like Bill Clinton. If I were President, I’d keep my penis in my pants, especially if that’s what people were looking for. Same deal with Gary Hart. But the rich and famous have large appetites, that seemingly can’t be satiated, and like I said above, they don’t think the rules apply to them.

She’s Patrick Whitesell’s wife. The couples are good friends. Shouldn’t she be off limits?

Does nobody have any morality? Both Jeff and Lauren?

As for lying about the affair… Booking Lauren in the same hotel in Boston where you’re staying with your wife to visit your kid at college… How daring do you want to be, how risky do you want to be, I mean you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants for a weekend?

And lying about the timeline… You were already schtupping Lauren while you were celebrating your anniversary with Mackenzie?

This is why Trump gets elected. The rest of us are playing by the rules, written, ironically, by the masters. And then the masters ignore them. This is true of elites on both sides of the aisle. They worked hard to earn their riches and damned if they’re going to kowtow to any poor people. They have contempt for poor people! Uneducated, on drugs. Screw ’em!

And while the poor get picked up for blue collar crimes, with cameras everywhere, white collar crime is rampant. They blow up the economy, and then the Republicans hobble the IRS so their tax returns are never investigated. That’s right, your job withholds your taxes. But the bigwigs?? Let the games begin!

And the quality of the prose in the texts… As if Bezos had been reading YA novels. Or maybe watching cartoons. This is the language the richest man in America employs?

And I don’t mean to be holier-than-thou, to moralize, but this guy has been canonized in the press, hell, even I’ve lauded him. Because we don’t really know him. He’s not some nitwit entertainer tweeting and Instagramming for attention, to further their so-called career, he’s got a team of publicists releasing just what he wants to, when he wants to. He’s sculpting his image.

And everybody buys it.

Hell, the “New York Times” admits that they bought Trump’s charade, never investigated his financial claims deeply, even though he lived in New York.

So on one hand you can laugh, how this guy blew up his life. You know how it works… After the dust settles, Lauren dumps him, or he discovers that she’s not what he believed her to be, after living with her for a while, and Mackenzie won’t take him back and all he’s got is his money, or half of it.

Then again, Hillary took Bill back and was excoriated in the press.

Then again, the press loves to beat up on females. And, ironically, women yell loudest about the behavior of other women. Hell, Lauren shared the texts with her friends, what is she in grade school? Even a middle schooler is aware of the pitfalls of this, that’s why they invented Snapchat, so messages would disappear, and then when it was commonly known that with a screen capture they didn’t, the social media outlet changed its business model. Furthermore, Sanchez has a teenager!

Speaking of which, Mackenzie is at home raising their four kids while Jeff is dilly-dallying out in the field, lying about it all the while. And if he lies to his wife, what are the odds he lies in his business…ONE HUNDRED PERCENT!

Life with Mackenzie is old. As it is with every long term relationship. You must invest, you must keep growing, or like in that old Woody Allen movie, you end up with a dead shark.

But the joke is on Jeff, not us. Everyone knows long term relationships pay dividends. That breakups oftentimes ruin not only your life, but those of the people surrounding you. But you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do. You’re driven. You’re in love. As if you won’t wake up one day, when life has normalized and wonder…WHAT DID I DO?

P.S. The only good thing in this whole escapade is Bezos’s lawyer’s comment, that Jeff “supports journalistic efforts and does not intend to discourage reporting about him.” If only our President felt the same way.

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